Conversations
by I hate the internet
Summary: Spike and Xander talk while patrolling


Conversations  
  
"That bloody little git! Puttin' me with that... monkeyboy!"  
  
"Hey! Don't talk about Buffy like that! Don't talk about *me* like that!  
  
"Why not? It's a free country! I have full right to curse you..."  
  
"What was Buffy thinking! Pairing me up with Spike!"  
  
"She can think?"  
  
"Knock it out Spike."  
  
"But seriously, I think she's doin' this on purpose... ya know."  
  
"What? Doing what on purpose?"  
  
"Puttin' us together!"  
  
"No way, she would never put me through that kind of torture if she didn't have to."  
  
"Hey! You think I'm not going through hell right now? Just lookin' at ye makes me feel like puking!"  
  
"Oh you flatter me..."  
  
"An' she probably put us together to torture *me*... I mean, you're obviously enjoying every minute you're spending with me! Because it's torture to me!"  
  
"...You're crazy..."  
  
"What? No! No I'm not! I'm... I'm not, uh, crazy! I'm not! Eh, uh... You, you're the one who's crazy and not me and..."  
  
"See! Did you see that?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"How you were all nervous and stuttering! And the fact that you denied being crazy when you obviously are just makes it more obvious. You're crazy!"  
  
"Ok, so I'm crazy then?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"A complete nutcase?"  
  
"Mental to the bone!"  
  
"Well, duh!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I used to date an insane gal, Drusilla, remember?"  
  
"What has she got to do with this?"  
  
"Well, it's quite obvious, actually. I mean, of course she ought to have some affect on me. Make me crazy, like herself! Do you know how long we were together? I'm surprised that I'm not like some total loony! And not to mention that bloody fucking chip! That's driving me even crazier! (if possible)."  
  
"Hey! Take it easy!  
  
You really are crazy you know! You're so crazy that you're rambling!"  
  
"Is talking to meself crazy as well? I sometimes do that..."  
  
"Oh my god! You are doomed! You're a freak! You belong in a circus!"  
  
"... You are so full of shit, Harris. I have a weird feeling in my head... wait... is it, sympathy?"  
  
"Har-har-har... Well at least I'm not crazy!"  
  
"Me neither."  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"Am not!"  
"Aretoo!"  
"Am not!"  
"Are too!"  
"Am too"  
"Are not!"  
"Am too!"  
"Are not!"  
  
Ok, ok, ok! You win! I'm not crazy then...."  
  
"Well, there you... Heeey!"  
  
*chuckle*  
  
"You are definitely crazy...."  
  
"Hm, maybe."  
  
"Aren't all vampires crazy? I mean, that's what I think. Cause trying to kill Buffy and thinking you'll actually succeed just sounds so crazy to me!"  
  
"Aw shaddup."  
  
"You didn't answer the question."  
  
"What question?"  
  
"The one about all vampires being crazy."  
  
"Oh that! Well, many vamps are pretty crazy, but other's aren't. Pretty much depends on you're life as a human."  
  
"So, if you look at you're life as a human which category would you fit in? The crazy or the sane?  
  
"......"  
  
"Spike?"  
  
".... Oh, I'm crazy allright. See that now... I'm a total nutcase! Damn I'm proud! William! Wherever you're ghost lurks! Yer a fuckin' loony!"  
  
"Sooo... you were also crazy when you were human, then?"  
  
"Oh yeah. But you know, actually, I think it's better to be crazy than normal! Then you can do crazy stuff with out being embarrassed!"  
  
"You mean like running down a crowded street downtown, wearing only sneakers with a banana shoved up your ass?"  
  
Uh... Something like that.... You sure you're not crazy too?"  
  
"Very."  
  
"You not experiencing any.... wet dreams about.. ahem..."  
  
"What!? You think... Oh eww! Gross! That is just gross Spike!"  
  
"Well you were talking about naked stuff and bananas. Hey, it's getting kinda late, do you think we can go home now?"  
  
"Hmm, yeah, we better get going before the others get worried."  
  
"Xander!"  
  
"Oh, hey Buffy."  
  
"Xander! Thank god I found you! We were starting to get worried!"  
  
"We're all right."  
  
"Ran into any vampires?"  
  
"Not a single..."  
  
"Well you're lucky. Me and Willow stumbled into a nest! We were just lucky that the others were still close enough to hear us."  
  
"Sorry we couldn't help too"  
  
"I'm not sorry..."  
  
"That's ok, we had no trouble handling them."  
  
"Ah, so I assume that our overrated vampire population problem has gone poof then!"  
  
"Literally."  
  
"Ahem..."  
  
"What do you want Spike."  
  
"Jeez! Don't be so mean! I agreed to help didn't I?"  
  
"Well you are not needed anymore. That gives me the right to ignore you."  
  
"Oh yeah?.... Hey that's kinda neat, gotta remember that one..."  
  
"So why are you still here?"  
  
"Oh well, I just thought I might hang around for a little while... you know, while you scoobie-doobies do research on some baddie..."  
  
"Since when did you care?"  
  
"Oh I don't. Not really. I'm just hoping that there might be some blood left in the fridge and..."  
  
"Well you are not invited..."  
  
"Well actually I kind of am..."  
  
"... Now beat it."  
  
".... Oh, all right then. If you insist. I'll just leave."  
  
"I'd be more than pleased if you did..."  
  
"Well then, just to let you know, I am feelin' verry giddy tonight, my brain is on a vacation in Iceland, lookin' for hidden people I assume, but I don't really like to assume, be-cause it makes an ass out of 'u' and 'me'. Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go buy some bananas."  
  
"... What the...? What was that?"  
  
"Oh don't mind him, he's just crazy..."  
  
END  
  
  
A/N: Hope you figured out who was saying what... realise it's a bit confusing, hehe.  
Disclaimer: Spike, Xander, Buffy, 'Willow and the others' belong to Joss Whedon. 


End file.
